"Fall."

Another half year lapsing into the unknown; 2021 another victim of the persistent pandemic. To this end, really, I've lost track of how quickly time has passed, for everyday is merely fleeting with the routine order of events.

I guess the whole uncertainty of things invites the same old question - where do I go from here?

A lot of emphasis this year has been placed on mental wellbeing. I realised the root cause has not always been just an internal construct in the head resultant from isolation and a depleted social life but also stemming from a myriad of external factors.

We've been plunged into an unending and unrecoverable chapter in our lives. For more introverted creatures like myself, we're sent into an abyss where our search for justification finds clarity through visualising what we're going through from a wide perspective that accounts for various aspects of life. Picture a control room with thousands of screens that each focusses on an aspect of your life. As you glance from each screen to another to seek validation and comfort that at least one aspect of your life would be on the green, reality disappoints. And right there in that room is where all the little already fractured pieces previously patched by weak adhesives magnify. In this lockdown that has pretty much massacred the world, we especially struggle to justify our progress in life and the accomplishments within this interrupted phase in life.

The lack of reaching a solution or justification, exacerbated by the realisation that your dedication and efforts from a corporate perspective value-add minimally and fetch little satisfaction to your personal development and wellbeing, prolongs the nightly and pretty much unending quest for the meaning in life. All that transcends into compounded musings.

The simple remedy is often to push these thoughts to the back of the mind. It's a temporary workaround, but necessary as we navigate the plights of mundanity. But there are days when you get sent back into that room that amplifies all your inferiority complexes and insecurities. And it all hits you again.

When would the next burst of hope come shroud us in the clarity of next steps? Perhaps life mirrors the barren wasteland from the decay of autumnal leaves and the blank that is winter.

Perhaps light will shine again and new growth will come thereafter. 

Perhaps then, we will come out of this victorious and savour that long-deserved delayed gratification.